My headhunting agency called me up early evening to inform me that my visa has been recently released and asked the earliest available day I can schedule my flight out of the country.

I told Ian, the personnel in charge for document-handling and flight-booking, that my resignation will take effect June 14.  She then advised that I will be under orientation a day prior to departure. I suggested that we schedule my orientation on June 15 and my tentative flight on June 16. She agreed.

The schedule was of no problem to me. I have never left any work with any down time. Earning per day is of utter importance, and this case is no exception: Resignation on 14; orientation on 15; daparture on 16; work on 17.

There is no time for goodbyes. I have been left by less than a month to secure clearance from my company, prepare my paraphernalia for departure, and still accomplish monthly obligations to my family. I can only meet people after office in Makati and Alabang on weeknights, and squeeze several meets on weekends. Three weeks is too short.

I have informed my family earlier this evening of my scheduled departure to prepare them the soonest. I have been texting and calling up friends to say goodbye and thanking them. I have not told J*****, my date for more than a year, about my very early departure. It will leave J***** shocked and extremely bothered, I guess. J***** may not show it, but I know it will bother J*****.

What we have will not blossom when we are apart. It is rare for me to be ready for a commitment. In fact, my dating relationship with J***** has been on for a year and more–and just that. I cannot commit. I simply cannot because I know I have to go and leave.

Both of us have talked about this. In fact, we have discussed this long a couple of times past and seemed to be ready. Yet, as my departure details get firm, and plans fall into their places, the worry pierces my heart more and more like a heavy shrapnel sinking deeper in me, cutting and leaving me bleeding.

Yet moments have turned full throttle, and the throttle has numb me. I cannot savor each passing time. The pace has gotten quicker. The clock is ticking faster. It has become too fast; its effects too furious.